Things have been pretty slow in the wedding idea department.

Although we did pick a date: October 16, 2010 :)

School has been pushing me pretty hard, only a couple more weeks left before its done with, so finals and essays and projects are being had. Not so fun.


I'm struggling a good bit with managing my life, surprise surprise. I guess physically its fine, but I feel guilty about so many things or an overwhelming obligation to do things all the time. Like I never have time to barely talk to my friends and family, much less see them. It's feeling guilty about not being a good friend but also it sucks if I concentrate too hard on the fact that my "fun" of being a young adult is pretty much over, and never really existed. I mean, yeah I can have tons of fun as a family but, trying to get days in to have a get-together, party or something? Good luck with that. I'm not sure why I never really had these feelings before, when it was just Jade. I guess Jason showed me what it was like to have fun, so now I want it more often. (With Eric it was boring 24/7 for 5 years so I guess I didnt know what I was missing)

But life is so good! I'm incredibly happy with the direction my life is going, I see so much potential of ultimate fulfillment. It's pretty damn close as it is.



Got two girls beckoning for me so...until next time :)

So, my dad had a stroke Wednesday night. It was after midnight and both my mom and brother were already in bed, so its a miracle that things aren't worse than they are now.

Dad has not been able to speak, at first it was mumbling gibberish, then it progressed to making words that didn't fit in the sentence. It's now Tuesday and he's doing much better, and we are able to communicate quite clearly with him. Every now and then he struggles with some words but its been a huge improvement.

The right side of his body was the most affected and he hasn't yet regained use of his right hand. Otherwise, he has begun walking down the halls and eating on his own. He's been utilizing everything as much as possible.

Yesterday the physical, speech, and occupational therapists came to see him and tested his abilities. He is still not able to do some major things.

From what I understand, he will be leaving the hospital in Atlanta today and be moved to a rehab facility near Newnan.

Both my mom and dad are having a hard time emotionally. My mom is pretty upset that he can't come home and that she will only be able to visit him occasionally in rehab, instead of being by his side the way she has been in the hospital. Also, in the beginning, maybe not so much anymore, she had been blaming herself for things the night he had the stroke. He had been making a lot of noise downstairs and she had been half asleep and didn't check up on him. He ended up making it all the way up the stairs and into the bedroom on his own. We're trying to keep her level-headed about it but I can understand feeling bad. It's a sad thought that he had to struggle so much.

My dad has been kind of emotional since Day 1 but I think that's mostly a result of the stroke. He tears up when people come to visit him. He gets quite frustrated when he can't do things. Mom says that he told her that he is under the impression that he will be like this forever. How depressing it must be to be in that state of mind, to supposedly know you'll be handicapped. He will get better though, but its hard for him to believe at this point.

As far as medical things go, my dad has been having high blood pressure which is apparently typical after a stroke.
He has also had high blood sugar, so he's been receiving shots of insulin. I think everyone is under the impression that he probably had diabetes and didn't know it. So from now on he will be on a diabetic diet.
Everything else seems to be looking good and I think the doctors are confident that theres nothing still lurking in his body that will cause him to have another stroke (anytime soon)

I'm just so glad this has not been worse than it was. I'm glad my dad made it up the stairs that night. I'm glad he's able to use his legs. I'm glad that he recognizes everyone.

I just hope everything will go smoothly from this point on. I know it will be trying for my parents within the next...who knows...dealing with rehab, hospital bills, getting back to work and hopefully some major life changes.

Been playing with color schemes and looking at bridal bouquets for inspiration.

I'm leaning towards Peach and a Seafoam Green with maybe some Lavender in there?

I can't quite find any pictures of bouquets in those colors. At least I know it will be somewhat unique? Here are some general ideas:




This green is a little too dark though:

So Jason and I super super super wanna go to Ireland! How awesome would that be??

( Beautiful photos )

I've been looking at vacation packages and stuff and it's pretty darn pricey, not surprisingly. There have been a few things I found that seem too good to be true, price-wise. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the sights, but I don't really want to sit in a hotel room all week. They have self-drive packages, basically they help you route out places to go and you stay in B&B's and drive a rental car around the island. It seems really nice to do something like that, but I'm afraid it would be too hectic. Like too jam packaged with driving and not enough time to really take it all in.

They have honeymoon packages that are super pricey but they seem sOO awesome. In one you can stay in a castle and have it all to yourself! (yeah right, for $2000 per person, I think I'll pass...)

There are also options of renting out a cottage for a week or so, and those are actually pretty cheap, but I'd want to travel a little more I think..I'm not sure. Maybe it would be nice to find a cottage with a great view and just enjoy our stay, the sights, and take hikes and little drives to the nearest town. Who needs castles...? =/

Lots of researching to do, I want to do this!

Once again, just browsing the internet for random things. I'm starting to get a feel of what kind of style I want in a dress. (Though I'm completely lost on the bridesmaid dresses)

I found this one wedding dress that is amazing, but I doubt very seriously I'll find it in a boutique anywhere. (And I'm not about to order my wedding dress online!)




It makes me smile all over my face.



As for bridesmaid dresses, I saved a couple random pictures.  Probably way off, but they were cute!


I would probably want to put straps on this one



This one is way too slinky but I love that layered style. They like to put that on wedding dresses too. I'm fond of it!





  Alice in Wonderland anyone?

Okay so I guess just for fun I'll put random wedding thoughts/arrangements/plans/possibilities  here.

Just checking out random venues in Georgia, I found 2 that look nice, but probably way out of price range. (speaking of which, I dont even know our price range)

One is in Macon and the other is in Peachtree City (10 minutes from my parents)

I like the one in Macon, and Jason seems to as well.  Its fun to dream:







The one in Peachtree City is nice as well, beautiful ceremony site, but I'm still preferring the Macon one overall:

Don't really have much to say these days, too busy!  School and kids seem to sap any extra brainpower I ever muster.

But I suppose today I'd like to document that YESTERDAY morning, Jason proposed to me in bed, with a ring and everything :)

I'm so happy to be starting this new chapter in my life.

I'm so excited to finally BE excited about having a wedding and being a bride for a day.  I never felt the desire for such a t hing, and I know it had a lot to do with the relationship I was in.  But man oh man, is this going to be fun!

Major kudos to my fiance Jason;  who has shown and given me all the things I never thought I could have

<3

thinks are definitely looking up

Alot of thinking the past 3 weeks or so.

I will always mourn for what was never there. What I desperately wanted. I feel like something died. The only thing that died is my hope of ever getting that from him.

I am okay. I can be strong. I just have to keep convincing myself that it wasn't ME.
I am a good person..though not very interesting or deep.(but I cannot focus on my flaws.) So, it wasn't my fault. I was who I was, and he was who he was.

I will always love him as a part of my life, and Jade's.

I am sad only for the opportunities that were never fulfilled (nor were they ever going to be).

Just bear with me, because I am okay.

I thought I should probaby jot this down somewhere before I forget.

I think breastfeeding is basically finished. With Eric having her half the week its been severely diminished and I've come to only nurse her in the mornings when she wakes up.

I'm sure it will happen a few more times, but I don't really have anything left. So I figured I'd mark the date.

Monday was when I last had her so...according to my breastfeeding ticker:

1 year, 4 months and 3 weeks.

kinda sad.
kinda glad.

Eric and I are splitting up.

Long story.

I'm the one who is doing the *breaking* up.

You wouldn't believe the amount of horribleness that has resulted from this decision, in only 1 day.


No one supports me, except for Eric, surprisingly.


I am sad.



No more cloth diapering.



Jade will be living with Eric.





I do not know what my next step will be.














I have no money.

I HAVE to live close to Jade and Eric. But I have nowhere to live.



I am clueless.

What is with Jade's obsession sometimes to drink out of her sippy cup, get a mouthful and then just let it run out of her mouth onto her chin and chest? Maybe she thinks the water feels good sometimes?

Jade got to hang out with her boyfriend again this past weekend. They built a sandbox at his house and they loved it. Now I want one.

Jade still isn't talking much. I know she really wants to, she has conversations with herself in her babble language and its totally adorable, but it would be nice to hear some formed words every now and then. Hi, Hey, Bye and kitty are basically all she says. And none of those are very consistent. But thats okay, maybe shes conserving her brain power for something momentous later on. hehehe.

She'll be 15 months next Saturday. Crazy crazy.

I feel slightly guilty this week: I've been using disposables. This past weekend when we were out of town, we were using her normal cloth diapers and by the time I got home all of them were dirty and MAN I just haven't felt like washing them. It all started with using a couple disposables the day we got home and it just got too easy. I'm washing the diapers today though so we'll get back into routine. (and I have disposables laying around, we didn't go buy a new pack or anything...so theres that)

I want an easy job. Something clerical, sitting at a desk and doing stuff on teh computer or something. I'd rather not be on my feet all day, call me lazy. I don't know where I would find this type of job though. Hmm

When is Easter?

Went to Ross yesterday to buy a couple bras. I dunno if it was just every single brand I tried on but....I ended up having to buy size A! But then I have a couple C bras that fit me just fine...

It's really weird being a size B pre-pregnancy, going to a D after birth, then leveling off to a C, and then totally skipping B on its way to A. hah.


In other news, I has a secret. muahahahha.

for those of you on my list that are camera-happy, theres a community called "_findit" that is pretty fun. Basically like..every so often the mod or one of the users posts a list of words and then we go out and take pictures!! at the end of the "period" they do a vote to see whose pictures were favorites. you don't actually win anything concrete but its fun to get outside (or around the house!) and take some pictures while enjoying fresh air!

I always look at the photos and vote but i find myself never actually taking pictures because of camera issues. I hope to take part in more this season!!

the past few weeks we've been noticing our internet is slower and our streamed netflix has been crappy quality. turns out that our internet provider knocked out speed from 3 to 1.5 and in order to get a faster speed we would have to upgrade to 9.0 which would cost us something like $40-something a month. bummer. i didnt think places were allowed to downgrade you if you were already in a contract. i suppose it depends on the contract though, huh.

in other news, we dont have any type of health insurance..i've been trying to get Jade on peachcare but bleh, the hoops you have to jump through. her 15 month apt is coming up and it looks like we will have to pay in full.

also, i have to get chickenpox immunization for school which had been "postponed" because i was preggers when i first started. so who knows the cost on that..

erics hours have been cut, so ive been thinking of getting a part time job and somehow fitting our schedules (including school) into eachother without having to put Jade into daycare.

financial aid is looking up though, and my application has finally gone through, we'll see how long it takes to actually get anything though.

Man...whats up with my thermometer!

Jade has been running a high temp the past couple days, and we've been giving her tylenol for it. well last night we bought equate brand ibuprofen, because i've read that alternating the two work well. so this morning i gave jade some of that.

well i just took her temp and it is reading 95.9....screwy! i tried it on myself and its reading 95.4??

is this odd?
I got excited because while Jade was laying here asleep in my lap, i situated her and noticed that her head was sweating a lot, doesn't that mean the fever broke?

but still, thats a pretty low temp....dubbya tee eff

Poor Jade McJaderson :(:(

She's been running a fever since early yesterday, but it isn't too bad. the highest its gotten that I've noticed is 101. (but this was an underarm reading which ive read can be anywhere between .5 to 1 degree lower than actual temp).. It seems as if its staying around 100.
She's laying around alot and sleeping, not really wanting to eat any solids, but otherwise she's being a trooper. This is the first time she's been sick since she was born, so it sort of took us off guard. She must be feeling all right, she's tuggin around and playing with her ring tower.

In other news, I now have a handful of cloth wipes and some wipe solution. yay.

I'm watching the movie Waitress for the second time today. I really really like it, it's so unique and sad and funny. Which reminds me!! The hammer is my penis.

Me and Eric (and Jade of course) are going to go camping sometime this summer. We bought our sleeping bags today and we'll buy a tent sometime later. We're spreading out the purchases, smart, no? What are some other good things we should buy???

I have 2 wetbags on the way from Sarah's Stitches, courtesy of her awesome buy one get one free sale. I'm excited :D:D:D

Uh oh, Jade is getting sad and puffy again.

We have discovered this little show called Pocoyo on Netflix's watch instantly list.

It is so incredibly cute, I just want pinch his little cheeks.

This past weekend Jade and I made a trip to Newnan for Darcey's 1 year!

The party was on Sunday, so I had a couple days to hang out with my family. Nothing too exciting happening on that front, but its nice to visit :)

Saturday we went to Darcey's house and played and played and played. We stayed the night so we could all go to the party together the next day. And guess what, it SNOWED!!! For those of you not from the area, it rarely snows, and when it does, it barely sticks and is just a yucky slush fest. Not this time, though! It was pretty snow and it snowed for hours. I'd say we got at least 4 inches, it was pretty. It did stop snowing eventually and started melting that evening. Sad face. Although, I guess I should be thankful since I had to travel the next day.

Darcey's party was Dr. Seuss themed. Jennifer (Darcey's mom) made him and Jade little red outfits that said "Thing 1" and "Thing 2". It was really cute :) Andy's mom played with the babies a good bit to give the "adults" time to hang out. We went out in the snow and threw snowballs for a while then we all got in their hot tub! Good times were had.

That night back at Andy and Jennifer's house we were all just hanging out and being lazy. They decided that they were curious about the tastes of mine and Jennifer's breastmilk and if they were different! haha. SO I went into the bathroom and expressed into a shot glass and she did she same. Andy tried them first. Then Jennifer, then me, because they got me curious. Turns out that they were very different! Jennifer's was a more watery taste and mine was more milky and sweet. It was quite an interesting experiment!
We also tried to see if our babies would nurse with the other. Darcey had no problem with me but Jade just looked at Jennifer weird and kept reaching for me. It's a strange thing, I say!

This weekend, I am not going to know what to do with myself, its the first time in a while that I haven't had any plans. This coming week is spring break at school, so I think I might just go stir crazy! Any ideas?


I have some projects that I've really been wanting to get done but it never seems to happen. I want to convert the tons of home videos that I have to DVD format before the VHS are no longer able to be watched. They are already getting a little fuzzy and if I lose them I will be so sad!

The software that does this conversion is very tricky to me. I can't seem to get it right and its very frustrating. I wish I had someone to help me and show me what i'm doing wrong.

There is also a scrapbook photo album that i've been trying to get done since Christmas....obviously it hasn't quite been happening.

Well the wiggle worm is demanding my attention so I guess my ramblings will be for another time.